Corporate Adulting
Don’t Play God with Someone’s Career
Always Ask, Never Assume
About 15 years ago, I managed a team of internal consultants who worked onsite for our clients. In this role, many traveled extensively for their job with some being away from home for six or more months while working on an engagement. It was a demanding job with long hours and high pressures.
One of my direct reports, a young woman named Ann*, became pregnant with her first child. She expressed concern to me before going on maternity leave about the travel required for the role and we agreed that it might be time for her to transition to another team as her family circumstances had changed. We had not resolved the issue before she left as she was still working on a client engagement but agreed that it was something we would work to finalize later.
During her leave, another manager came to me with opportunity that I knew would be an amazing fit for Ann. She was perfect for the job. I knew she would be great at the work and she would like the type of work. She was familiar with members of the other team and they respected her knowledge and abilities. It was an ideal solution for Ann. The manager with the opportunity and I were both excited about Ann coming back from leave and starting with their group.
A few weeks later, Ann returns to work, and on her first day back, I sat down with her and begin to excitedly tell her about her new job opportunity. To my complete shock, it became increasingly apparent as I talked that Ann was not excited.
Undeterred, I continued to talk about why this was such a great opportunity for Ann. As we spoke, Ann agreed with me that the job was a natural fit for her background and her skills. She said she was interested in the type of work. She knew many of the team and they had good working relationships.
But it was obvious she was not delighted by the news I was sharing with her. Eventually, she let me know that she wished I had asked her instead of assuming it would be what she wanted and making the deal on her behalf.
At first, I was somewhat defensive. I re-explained the rationale, I told her how good I thought she would be at the work and how important it was to our business. It was well into the conversation when it dawned on me that in my excitement about Ann’s new opportunity, I had missed a critical and key point…I had not asked Ann what she wanted to do. I simply told her.
When I finally had this epiphany, I did apologize to her for not asking. Truthfully, I was disappointed too — in her reaction. In hindsight, I did not handle her disappointment very well. I was so certain that it was the right thing to do, I did not really want to hear that she was unhappy about how I had gone about it. For this reason, I am certain my apology did not come across as sincere and heart-felt. Ann agreed that she would move to the new role, but by my actions, I damaged her trust in me and ultimately our working relationship.
Ann did move to the new role and did an amazing job for the next 8–10 years, eventually becoming responsible for the entire team. She was amazing, and I knew she would be. Almost undoubtedly, if I had come to her with the opportunity and asked her if she were interested, she would have jumped at the chance to move to the team and do this type of work. But instead, I made the decision for her, and took away her chance make the decision on her own.
As I look back on this situation, it was an important lesson in leadership. The lesson: Don’t play God with someone’s career. Always ask, never assume you know what someone would want to do. You might get it right — but you also might get it wrong. In Ann’s case, I actually did get it right, but the way I went about it was all wrong.
- Name changed to protect anonymity.
Thanks for reading! Read more of my Corporate Adulting Blog series at https://monicaojendyk.medium.com/.
